you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
