fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
