Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
