You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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