Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
