how do flat chested girls get laid?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
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Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
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I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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