My friends, they love my intelligence
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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