In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
