Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize