wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
