you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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