Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Semen is not good for contacts.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
