Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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