What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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