Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Every concussion has its silver lining
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
