i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
