My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
