I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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