I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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