The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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