careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
