I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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