if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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