Pappa wants mamma naked
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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