Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
