I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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