my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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