Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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