just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
