The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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