you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
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I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
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no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.