I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.