He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.