5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?