Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just gargled with NyQuil
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?