So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
