You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
