Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
