so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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