That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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