Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
