Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
