Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
