Rock
Scissors
Fuck
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
