Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
