I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
