You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
