if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
