Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
