is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
