Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
