I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
