I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
