Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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