apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...