the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.