i may or may not be watching the land before time
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
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I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low