He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner