dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be