What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
zippers are such a cool invention
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize