Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize