just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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