We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
