if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I stole a fireplace last night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize