Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
