Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
