you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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